There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
