Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
