Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
