You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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