I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
