I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
