so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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