do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
