wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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