So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
