So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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