i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
