Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
