Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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