fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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