I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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