I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
