whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
