I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
