i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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