I just threw up on my dentist
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
