oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
