She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
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