You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
