it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I love you.
Bad choice
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
