You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
so much tequila, so little girl.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
