I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
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