I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
