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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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