I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
