What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
