dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
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