I wish i was in the wii world.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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