I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
