Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
