he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
