He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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