Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
