To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
