maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
