new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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