Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
