is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
