I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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