just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
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