i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
