we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
There's always time for handjobs
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
