at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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