saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
