what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
