I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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