I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
