so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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