Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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