I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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