dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
then he tried to convert me to islam
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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