he shaved USA in his pubs
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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