I'm eating all of the evidence.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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